Journal of a Mage
by Dovahkiir2015
Summary: One shot: A strange journal is found, and the words it holds have interesting implications. Jim(Anders?)/Cullen


**So my cousin and I were joking around and came up with this idea. It was written quite fast so isn't exactly the best thing in the world, but anyway! This is the result.**

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The following is a journal of a mage hiding amongst the least likely of people. Whether it is truth or fiction is unclear, there is no evidence to prove or disprove the words, and interrogation of those involved has yielded no answers. Make of this what you will.

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Day one:

I have decided that in order to protect Hawk from the dangers of being a rogue mage with an abomination and Chantry after them, I shall disguise myself and leave his side. I have chosen to change my identity and hide amongst those at Haven, where no one would expect to find someone like me. This shall, of course, be done through a magic ritual, one which I have found after many nights of research. I shall hide myself amongst the ranks of Commander Cullen, the place least likely that anyone would think to look. The name I shall take on is James, though I shall introduce myself as Jim. It is the least mage-like of names, so I think the name shall suit the purpose beautifully. This all said, I shall now go to prepare myself to join the ranks. I will bid my farewells to Hawk, and thank him for sparing my life. However, for his own protection as well as my own, I shall not tell him of my intents.

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Day 79:

I have been amongst the people of Haven for a while now, and none of them seem to suspect anything. Cullen has accepted me into the ranks, though he sees me as a fairly useless swordsman. I must admit, I had never thought that using a sword would be so difficult, Aveline always made it look so simple. Shields have become my best friend, even if my arms feel like they're about to fall off and I haven't succeeded in protecting myself from every blow, earning many, many bruises. The worst part is I cannot use my powers to heal myself.

Justice keeps calling me a fool for this plan, and keeping him in check when it seems I'm about to earn a proper thrashing is difficult. Though if one good thing has come from this, Justice does seem more relaxed. The life as a warrior is much more familiar to him, so even with my "useless thick skull", some knowledge is managing to seep in.

Cullen is putting a lot of effort into teaching me, giving me a few private lessons, though I am concerned about why this might be. I'm reasonably certain that he doesn't suspect anything, it is most likely that he thinks me so useless he must put more effort in to getting me able to fight and protect Haven. Despite his hard appearance, he is actually quite a kind man, and seems to be developing a soft spot for me, even if he refuses to show it around the other recruits.

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Day 152:

Justice is now furious with me. Things have developed in a way I am slightly reluctant about, but cannot help. I suspect the dear Commander has the same number of reservations about our new situation as I do, but he seems as helpless about this all as I am. He's become even more hard on me than before due to this, but I have to say this. I find his being a hard-ass quite a turn on, and watching him blush when I tell him so is most satisfying. It feels wrong to keep my identity from him, he still sees me as the useless scout that he sends on the more simple of errands rather than the mage that blew up the Kirkwall Chantry and started the mage rebellion. I doubt he'd see me the same way if he did know. So the ruse shall stay in place, even if my motives have become even more selfish. Justice is of the opinion that we should leave, there are too many distractions here. Part of me agrees, though it's hard to tell if that part is just a continuation of Justice or if it is actually my own thoughts. Either way, I shall remain where I am. At least for now. Things with the commander might not develop any further, he seems rather confused by all this, and then things will go back to how they were before.

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Day 293:

Cullen has returned from Adamant. Things went a bit off plan, apparently, and as well as the Inquisitor and his team disappearing into the Fade for a bit, Cullen managed to get injured. I can do nothing to help him, of course, my identity must remain in place. But I could do a much better job of healing him than the mages of Skyhold can, and it hurts that I must not. I must be thankful that I can still help him, even if it is without magic. Cullen seems content enough with my… other modes of caring for him. He has warmed a lot to the idea of us since my last entry, even if in public he treats me as the same idiot. I don't do anything to dissuade the illusion of my lacking intelligence, it makes it even harder for people to spot me as a mage. I've even managed to trip on the stairs a few times, just to keep people seeing me as a clumsy fool. I've lost track of the number of orders I managed to confuse, though not badly enough that things have gone wrong. And Cullen always assures me later that all is fine.

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Day 329:

There has been development, one which I have mixed feelings about. I'm disappointed that my plan and disguise didn't last even a year, but I'm glad that the deception is over. Cullen knows about who I am, there wasn't much of a choice in the matter. I was nervous about telling him, and for a while he seemed like he was going to turn me over to face justice, though then he just laughed. What followed was possibly one of the best nights in my life.

With that written, I'm going to return to bed.


End file.
